Happy Father's Day?

I’ve been making prison visits for a long time. I’ve absorbed a lot during those visits over more than two decades. On Father’s Day, 2023, I’m hoping we remember those behind bars. 

Many of my visits were before COVID, when families could be together. 

I’d watch Ted as his wife and two little kids made their way into the visiting area. I wasn’t there to see Ted, but I’m a reporter and a good observer. I kept an eye on what was going on. 

Ted’s eyes lit up as Carol and the kids came into the room. Hugs, kisses. Most prisons had some toys---perhaps not in good shape---but at least they were there for the kids. 

Over the next hour or two I watched Ted reading a story to his little girl. I could see the tenderness and the love. What I couldn’t see were his thoughts, but I’ve been friends of many inmates for years. 

How the hell did I screw up so much that I can’t be home to enjoy this every night? 

When I get out years from now, will the kids forgive me? Will they still love me? 

Carol is home with two kids and no man in the house. How long can she live this way? Will she stick with me? 

Meanwhile, Carol is smiling…and behind that smile, all kinds of things are going through her head. She was alone earlier that day, preparing the kids for a trip to prison. She had to work around naps, as well as the long drive to their father’s facility. It wasn’t easy! 

I love to see the kids with their daddy! Will we ever be a normal family again? 

What the hell was he thinking when he screwed up, with a wife and two little kids back home that depended on him? 

I still love him, love to see him, and miss him. Will we reconnect when he finally gets released? 

Father’s Day is not easy, nor is it pleasant, for many people…especially those whose lives are affected by incarceration. But please remember that there are sons and daughters behind bars, who love and miss their fathers and grandfathers. And please remember that there are dads and grandfathers behind bars who miss and love their offspring. And that’s only the beginning. There’s a multitude of dysfunctional family situations that were not and are not pleasant. 

All of this is on my mind right now, as I count my incredible and innumerable blessings on this Father’s Day. 

"There but for the grace of God..."

Lydia Maria Child: 

“No music is so pleasant to my ears as that word: father.”

 

 

 

 

Comments

Wflower2001 said…
Thank you Doug. ♡
#NotForgotten
June 18, 2023 at 5:06 PM
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